A Soul That Wanders

I have a love like no one else has, a love that was worth waiting all my life for. I’m a tough guy, I don’t cry much or let up a lot about my feelings. But it makes me wanna cry happy tears whenever I think of her, and of all the love we’ve felt together, of all the love we’ve created. Passion doesn’t just happen, you make it grow. The whole week I was up there, it was raining. The sidewalks and streets were soaking wet. The way she kissed me in the rain, and the way she called my name, I could never want anyone different. I could never have a better memory than that. She held me, she loved me. We’re not just lovers, we’re best friends, and that’s the only way to have it. The rain fell hard all week, but it didn’t fall as hard as I did, for her. I actually had to pinch myself a few times because I thought I was in Heaven. I’ve lived those seven days a thousand times. Every night I dream about her, and some nights, I wake up in the middle of the night, and picture her there next to me, holding me. Every night we would usually make out and just love on each other. Well one night we were tired, she fell asleep and then I did too. When I woke up one time, I forgot about it, and then she squeezed my hand. That was a magical feeling, and for a moment, the world stopped turning, and we kept going. That first night when we couldn’t get in the house, and we just walked over to the woods, it was absolutely freezing, and the rain felt like ice cubes. But then, she kissed me hard in the pouring rain, and I swear to you, I no longer felt the rain or the cold. I was warm, and the moments were tender. It’s a feeling unlike any other when you feel the world stop spinning under your feet. I love her, and I will never love another. I want her, I want everything about her, the way she is right now. From her sweet moments, to how cute and sexy she gets when she’s mad, I want it all. I just want her. Forever. If I had a way to marry her, believe me, I would. I am that sure. Those seven days felt like a year, and every night I relive that week over and over in my head. Whenever we kissed, I felt waves splash against the shore, and I saw the sun glistening off of her eyes, like diamonds in the sand. She’s beautiful, she’s amazing.

I love you, sweetheart. You’re not just my girl, you’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A Saturday downpour carved out rivers in the sand
she said it was her first time to see the sea
helping to clime the jetty rocks was the first time I touched her hand
and the rain and the way it felt never let up all week
by Thursday I knew everything about her
And God, the last day I didn’t wanna leave without her

The sidewalks and streets were soaked and the sky was gray
but you should’ve seen her face, shining like that light house
through all the rain and the way she called my name
I’ve lived those seven days a thousand times,
those seven days a thousand times

Lord knows we’ve had our share of fights
Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs
We’ve had plenty and then-some of baby I’m gones
And turn-arounds
Sometimes I swear it might be easier to throw in the towel
Someday we’re gonna look back and say look at us now
I keep on lovin you
Through the baby don’t leave mes and never will agains and I promise tos
I keep on lovin you
Through I take it backs, the I didn’t mean it like that’s, I’d never hurt yous
I keep on lovin you
Oh, I keep on lovin you

I love you, Jean. And I’ll whether whatever battle I have to, to stay with you.

Okay, first off, honestly, text me and tell me, which part of the title got your attention more? The HEY JEAN READ THIS or the squirrel? Haha. Anyway, I just wanted to say something special to you, and I know that I could text it or call you with it but I figured that was too predictable and I text you all the time anyway. I want you to see that I’m not ashamed of you at all, I’m proud to call you my girlfriend, REALLY proud, and, hopefully some day…God willing, maybe something more. I like to show you off because you’re so great to me and just such a sweet-hearted person. People don’t know the real you, Jean. They don’t see deep inside of you enough to realize that there is someone that cares. Most people don’t give each other a second glance, these days, and that’s the problem. The world isn’t ready for your brand of perfection yet. They’re the problem, honey, not you. You try to give me all these reasons, practically every day, why you think “I deserve somebody better,” or that “you’re no good for me.” Jeannie, first of all, you love me, so much, and I can feel that. I’ve waited all my life for you, and I’m not turning my back on someone so special. Yeah I lost a lot in these past 6 or so months, I really did, but I gained you. You’re the blessing God sent into my life.

People come into our lives, and people leave. Some stay, but they kind of fade off into memories. Each person we meet brings us to another road that God has had paved for us. Some roads teach us, and some roads hurt us. But the best road to be on, is the one that does both. We learn things in life based off of the decisions and turns we choose to make, and when something hurts us, we can either learn from it or run from it. And I’m not running from you. Sure, things can get painful sometimes, but it’s nobody’s fault. It’s called being victims of circumstance, and you just cannot blame yourself for it. Just think what we’re gonna tell our kids when they ask us how we got to be together. This will be one heck of a story.

And I know that the future can change, we’re never even guaranteed the very next breath. But as long as I’m still breathing, I’ll still want you; I’ll still love you. I don’t want anyone else. If I could then you know I would give you the moon, I would move OCEANS for you. No one outside of my family has ever cared for me as much as you do, babe. No one. Sure, there have been some that SAID they would stay, but the second things got rough, they ran. You didn’t run from me or any of my situations, and that’s saying something, cause I’m a handful. I’m a truckload of problems  all mushed together with a solvent of issues, but you love me anyway; you still stay with me anyway.

When I kiss you, and when I look into your eyes afterwards, I feel the connection. I can sense something special and magical between us, something that won’t be easily broken. Heck, I don’t think it CAN be broken. God made that seal, and He pretty much made it unbreakable. God gave me you, and I’m not one to turn away from something, or someone, God gives me. Yeah I’ve had feelings in the past, we all have. But that’s what they are, the past.

There’s a rule about love I heard some time ago that I still believe. Either love will always be there, or it never was. If the feelings for someone stop, then one of two things happened:

1.) The person abused the crap out of it and made it wither, or
2.) The love was never really there

After almost six months and everything we’ve been through together, I think it’s safe to say, the love is and always will be there. There’s absolutely no way to kill it; it’s immortal. And I will never stop trying to impress you; I’ll never stop doing random little things to make you smile. That’s the problem with a lot of relationships today. After they have someone, they stop trying. Well I’m not gonna stop, I’m gonna love you every day as if the relationship depended on it. I have faith in you, and in God. God hasn’t let us down yet, and He isn’t about to start now. We just have to look at the situation right, it’s not God’s fault. It’s the devil stepping in the way between us, and God is keeping him at bay for us. That’s how important our love is, Jean. It’s important enough for God to step in and intervene over and over again to save it. That’s gotta mean something.

I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart, baby. And before you, I had given up. I thought I could legitimately never, ever feel love again. I’ve been hurt so bad to the point that I literally went insane. I’ve done some things in life that I’m not so proud of, and I’ve found a million ways to run from my mistakes. But something I am proud of, are the decisions and choices I’ve made with you. I don’t regret anything we’ve said or done because we both learned from it and in the end it always brought us closer together.

Your hugs and kisses are just so sweet and make me so drunk on you and your soul, there’s no way I could ever tell you no. When I look into your eyes, I see the future, and we’re both together in it. Our lives have been intertwined at the seams, stringed together like our fingers when we hold hands. Sometimes it feels like we’re stranded on an island alone, but you know, at least we’re together.

I love you, babe. And I always will.

Got the best woman in the world back <3

I love you so much, Jean.

People on here have been asked their opinion on numerous things, and get this, the askers then try to punish them for it out of their so-called liberal self-righteousness. I share a lot of the same opinions with them, mostly because they’re the right ones. What I can’t stand about this world today, is that it supposedly is so “diverse” and “open,” yet, when it comes to Christians, Conservatives, Country, Republicans, Southerners or non-gay-supportive people, we seem to be excluded from that. Tell me, how is that diverse? How are you any better than what you claim US to be, hm? You’re not. That’s how.

It sickens me, it really does. The fact that same sex marriage is even a THOUGHT in anyone’s brain just baffles me. God made man and woman for a reason - they were meant for each other. And don’t give me the whole “Cain and Abel were gay” crap because obviously you didn’t read the Bible correctly (shout out to Obama there cause obviously he didn’t either). But hey, believe what you want, do what you want. I think it’s disgusting, but I’ll treat you like I treat any other human being. Just don’t get all caveman on me simply because you don’t like my way of thinking. That’s something you learn in FIRST GRADE. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. You wanna know why God lets bad things happen? It’s because we’ve given up on Him. How would you feel if nobody believed in you, huh?

I don’t know about you, but I will forever say “a nation under God,” as well my future children. America is not a “boiling pot” for different religions and blah blah, it was built as a CHRISTIAN nation. And don’t give me the whole “well what about Bush blah blah” crap because obviously Obama ain’t no better. I had no problems with Bush really, I mean yeah he goofed up a lot but what person doesn’t? I’ll admit, I don’t know much him because I was younger then and politics bored me. Heck, they still do. But even a five year old could see OBAMA’S effects on the nation, if you can still even call it that. And that whole thing with Obama misreading the Bible, man that set me off. He’s the first black president, wooptie frikkin’ doo. Some first he turned out to be, eh?

I think that we’ve kicked God out of the country and that’s really the most bigoted, belligerent thing anyone could do. You wanna know the REAL reason why they’re redesigning the dollar? They’re probably gonna take “in God we trust” off of it. But here’s the thing, folks: it doesn’t matter what they do. It doesn’t matter what THEY believe. We’re smart enough and mature enough to know that. That’s where we’re different. That’s why we have our own special place with God when we die, because we believe and we know what’s right. We’re still gonna be saved, we know that we still have an after-life. As for the people that are unsure, as in the government or public schools (which should have NOTHING to do with teaching moral standards), well they’ll just have to see.

I believe in God, obviously. But I don’t believe He’s a monster. I don’t believe He’s hating on ANYONE. God loves you, He loves me, and the fact that you say you can’t feel it just breaks my heart, as I’m sure it breaks His. I’ve grown up with and gone through things that no one should have to go through, things that, if I didn’t have God, I would not have MADE it through. Yeah, I’ve had my doubts. I’ve had my faith tested. I’ve failed. I let Him down. But there’s this magic, holy thing called repentance, and it has a wonderful brother named forgiveness. Two of the most powerful things on the planet, in the universe, and all you have to do to have them, is ask. That’s it. No schemes, no backstabbing, just love, faith, hope and trust, and the greatest is love, because that is above all else. Amen.

Christians are very misunderstood people. There are others out there that say they’re Christian, yet they don’t lead the lifestyle. The main thing you have to do is believe in God and that’s pretty much it. Just follow the Ten Commandments, which should be every day morals for you, and you’re good. Christians should teach the lifestyle, yes, that’s what church is for. It’s also for broken people or just anyone who wants to turn their life over to God. Christianity should be offered to others, but not forced down their throats, because that’s not Christian. If they’re your child or your other family members, sure, that makes sense because you love them and you want them to be saved. You can try to save others, you can try to offer them the word, but a lot of them will reject it and you just have to live with that. Even Jesus hung out with sinners. Which, FYI, all of us are sinners, and if you fail to acknowledge that, then well you’ve missed the very first step. Not everyone can be saved, unfortunately. You can’t please everybody, God knows I’ve found that out. It sucks. I mean it really, truly hurts you to know that there are so many lost people out there, and what’s worse, is that they even ACCEPT it into the every day norm.

Even if you don’t believe, do one thing for me: grab a Bible and turn to Revelations. Then sit there, read the whole book of it, look me in the eye, don’t blink, and tell me that you don’t see ANY similarities to what’s going on right now. If you don’t, you’re a blind man. He who has faith sight sees all, but he who closes his third eye is weak. If I’m wrong, then okay, I’m wrong. It’s nothing but eternal unconsciousness, and we’ll never know it. But if YOU’RE wrong, then you’re not just wrong, you’re damned, and you’ll know forever. Faith is a powerful, powerful thing. People ask me how does my garden grow so well, and I tell them all the same thing: about a year or two ago in church, a verse touched my heart. See, at the time, my crops were dying, and I couldn’t grow anything. That was when I was angry at God and I felt nothing but hatred. But this verse essentially said this: he who has faith shall have abundant crops, but he who does not believe, will have his crops wither. That’s not the exact wording, but that’s basically what it says. And ever since then, it’s like I have a green thumb.

Politics, drugs, sex, war, alcohol, all of it’s evil. They’re natural human instinct, sure, but that doesn’t make it okay. I believe we can get better, though. I really do believe that things can turn around. Oh, trust me, they will. Maybe not in this century, maybe not even in this millennium, but trust me, they will turn around. And when they do, you’ll see just how powerful God and love really are.

I hope I didn’t scare anybody too bad. You should fear God, but you should embrace Him. If anyone wants to badger you over believing in all of this, then send them a link to this post. I want people to know my thoughts and beliefs. I want the truth to spread around. And as for anyone who wants to send me hate:

Hi. So every once in a while, I know that people need a little pick-me-up now and again. I’ve been so caught up in my own problems and fighting off my own issues that I haven’t really slowed down to think of anyone else’s, and well it’s time I do that again. So for all you ladies out there, you’re beautiful. You don’t have to look pretty to be beautiful. All that matters is that you are who you wanna be. That’s the important thing. Never change yourself for some stupid guy that can’t accept who you are. I’m 21 and believe me I’ve been down a few wrong roads and taken a few left turns, just to see where they went. I know a thing or two about hearts; I know how fragile they can be.

No one controls your heart but you. Remember that. You ARE strong enough to overcome whatever people do to you. Certainly doesn’t make it okay by any means, but you just have to rise above it. It’s not that easy, though, is it? No, it never is. But you have to try, you have to give it your best. Try something new for a change, do something you haven’t before. For whatever reason, it works. God IS with you, even when no one else is. And God is enough.

I’ve had my heart broken by women in terrible ways, but I still keep trying. I still get back up because no matter what anyone does to me I AM strong and I CAN get through it. Hell, I’m a good ole’ country boy, I know what I’m doin’. But you don’t have to be. Take it from this dog that’s seen too much for his age: the strength of a human soul is really underrated. And women, woo buddy, do yall have the power. After so many centuries of guys doin’ ya wrong, you’ve got a lot of mahtzy built up. Don’t sell yourself out or give up, because you can do it and I know you can. If you have any personal doubts about that, then message me yourself and I’ll answer either privately or anonymously, your choice.

When a girl smiles at me, I can tell if it’s real or not. You shine when it’s real and it’s the most gorgeous, most luminescent thing in the universe. Nothing compares except for God Himself. And God made you, so of course you’re wonderful. The girls that follow me on here give me hope that I might yet find someone real. I’ve been on that highway to Hell; I’ve had my Tuesday gone. But I still carry on. And so can you. Anyone can.

Just getting some crap off my chest..

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